I just finished listening to my first-ever audiobook, Let Them by Mel Robbins, and I truly think it’s a book everyone should read or listen to. In fact, I’m planning to read the physical book next because I know I missed some things while multitasking during the audiobook.
At its core, Let Them is about letting go of the exhausting need to control other people—their choices, opinions, behaviors, and expectations. It sounds simple, but for me, it was surprisingly profound.
What I didn’t expect was that the book would bring up a sense of grief.
Between the lessons in this book and the teachings I’ve been hearing from the Venerable Walk for Peace Monks, something finally clicked: some people may never change, and there is absolutely nothing we can do about it.
Intellectually, I’ve always known that. I’ve even given that advice to others countless times. But when it came to my own life, I convinced myself my situation was different.
And that’s something Mel Robbins talks about in the book. We often believe we’re the exception. We think if we just love a little harder, try a little longer, explain it one more time, or hope a little more, things will be different for us.
I know I did.
I believed that if I hoped enough, loved enough, tried enough, or cared enough, certain people would eventually become the people I knew they could be. But the hard truth is that people only change when they want to change.
When you realize that some people have been the same your entire life and may continue to be that way, it can be heartbreaking. Sometimes it means creating distance to protect your own peace and well-being. It doesn’t mean you stop loving them. It simply means you stop sacrificing yourself while waiting for them to become someone they’re not ready to be.
One of the biggest lessons I took from this book is learning to accept people as they are right now, not as who I hope they will someday become. I can still hope for growth and healing, but I don’t need to be emotionally invested in trying to make it happen.
While my biggest takeaway was accepting that I can’t change other people, the book covers so much more. It’s about letting go of the need for approval, releasing the weight of other people’s opinions, and accepting that others are going to make their own choices—even when we don’t agree with them.
But the book doesn’t stop at “Let Them.” It also teaches “Let Me.”
Let me choose peace.
Let me set boundaries.
Let me focus on what I can control.
Let me create a life that isn’t dependent on other people’s actions or approval.
In many ways, it’s a book about finding peace and taking responsibility for your own happiness.
For me, that realization was both sad and incredibly freeing.
You can’t control what other people do.
You can’t control what they think.
You can’t control the choices they make.
You can only control yourself—your thoughts, your actions, your boundaries, and your response to life’s circumstances.
You can still love people without making their growth your responsibility.
I highly recommend this book. It gave me a lot to reflect on, helped me let go of worries I didn’t even realize I was carrying, and reminded me that peace often begins when we stop trying to control what was never ours to control.
